Checking (Back) In: Mental Health and COVID-19

It’s been a very long time since I posted, and I take full responsibility for that.

I don’t know about you guys, but for me, the past five months have quite literally been a roller coaster.

I look back on my Mental Health Check In Post from May, and wow! While this post has some similarities (as you’ll read further), there have been quite a few major changes.

Let’s start with the fact that around the time I last published, Los Angeles county would quarantine for two weeks to flatten the Coronavirus curve and eliminate the virus’ spread.

HA!

We’re now in October, and L.A. is 270,000 cases deep, and 6,500+ deceased. I can’t say I’m surprised because being an American for almost 30 years has taught me this… Americans are entitled and selfish.  

I want my readers to know that my aim is to be a transparent and a responsible blogger, so I’ll be the first to admit that I could have done more to practice social distancing after the state and county started opening back up. So yes, even I was a little entitled and selfish at times.

Although I always wear a mask in public, profusely wash my hands, and don’t attend any gatherings with over ten people, I have visited with family, taken a short road trip with friends this summer, and occasionally dine outside.

My philosophy right now is this: I will be as careful and diligent as I can, and maintain a bit of pre-COVID normalcy here and there. Somehow-someway, I have to learn how to live with this pandemic without it erasing my happiness. But I won’t overindulge in unnecessary travel or engage in arbitrary gatherings just for the hell of it.

It’s definitely an adjustment getting used to this pandemic (I often ask myself if face coverings are going to be permanent), but I’m definitely dealing with it better than I was a few months ago. I want to revisit that because, like I said, that was my latest blog post, and there were many reasons/excuses why I didn’t feel motivated to blog.

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Like most folks who complained of not having enough time in a day, mandated working from home was heaven sent. I was on a roll to becoming the best version of me. But by end of May bleeding into June and July, I wasn’t feeling anything like myself, and I know exactly what triggered my low energy.  

I watched the horrific video of George Floyd’s murder. Like watching a bad accident on the freeway, I then continued to watch the protests, the hyper-aggressive police response to #BlackLivesMatter, the dismissal of systemic racism from the president. All of this adding to the fact that Coronavirus was (and still is) killing Blacks faster than any other group in the U.S., and it was hard to digest all at once.

When Michelle Obama said she was dealing with low-grade depression on her podcast, I completely felt that. Because so was I.

I stopped exercising consistently and from that point on I lost all motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I stayed up late, woke up late, and my favorite meal was anything that involved a potato.

Money was extremely tight, and a lingering issue that hung over my head. Reading the news was really difficult. Then reading everyone’s opinions about the news on social media was even more distressing. Needless to say, I took several prolonged social media breaks, even deleted a few apps off my phone.

On top of everything, my boyfriend, an essential worker, still had to go into work everyday, which left me alone in a one-bedroom apartment… with my thoughts.

I was angry, frustrated, complaining everyday, and generally unproductive.

Looking back now on the peak of summer, I realize I might have been a little dramatic. But when everything seemed like a dead-end, I chose the easier path to self-loath rather than self-build.   

Eventually I did shift my mindset, and things started shifting for me.

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By late July I was finally offered a job with an organization I’d been interested in since last year- and it was such a huge moment for me considering three lengthy interviews and the possibility of the job getting cancelled(!). I was mostly happy that FINALLY I could apply my master’s degree towards a long-term career path.

Shortly after I accepted the full-time role, I began freelancing for an education publication on the side, which again, was huge since I don’t have an extensive publishing portfolio.

Then things just kept materializing and all at once. I leased a brand new car, I published a few articles, I started exercising again, and the best outcome yet… I PAID OFF AN ENTIRE CREDIT CARD!!!

So perhaps, I wasn’t THAT unproductive after all. I realize now that while I was sulking over the summer, I was still was putting the groundwork in place to gain what I have now: a job I actually care about, better credit, and a path towards writing professionally. I mean… I just sent in my first invoice for a 2,000-word article yesterday and I get to my full time job on time every day (and yes… I go into an office). If you know anything about me, I’m rarely on time to anything except my flights. 

So while I feel like I’m stretching myself a little thin, I am not complaining. I just take it one day at a time.

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Let me finish by saying I’m starting the month of October feeling incredibly blessed. I almost feel guilty that I feel so secure in this moment while others are still dealing with the trauma of Coronavirus, racism, and this upcoming election, because not so long ago, I was dealing with that trauma too.

Now more than ever, I feel “ready.” So stay turned for more from me.

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You can read my recent published works here:

• ELT Conferences Go Virtual: Is This the Future for Industry Events?

• Skin Deep: Embracing Color Will Eliminate Skin Bleaching in Africa

• Can Plastic Bottles Solve Global Homelessness?